(HTD) With Makeup: Stop Abusing It

So here's what we've noticed: apparently, 13 year old girls were out getting felt up (as the generations are getting sluttier by the decade) rather than learning how to apply their makeup properly. Stop fucking abusing it, the saying doesn't go "more is more" for a reason. So in lieu of explaining how to properly put on makeup, which is something you should've already learned, here's some descriptions of what these makeup disasters say about you--and it's up to you to stop doing it.


Too Much Eyeliner: Just so you know, nobody finds this attractive. Except maybe that old guy who was the lead singer of Kiss or, like, Ozzy Osbourne--wait, are they the same person? we forget, either way, it's gross. No guy is going to want to go near you let alone kiss you when they run the risk of getting black sludge all over their faces. This look basically says 'I fucked up on one eye and tried to even them out' or 'I forgot to use a fucking mirror'. Go simple, or stay the fuck home.
Bad Smokey Eye: This look literally screams 'I ran out of eyeshadow so I used my eyeliner in it's place', we were going to put another picture of Taylor Momsen for this, but we figured we'd give her a break because she's a decent human being really skinny. We're sick of girls going out like this and calling it a smokey eye. Please, do us a favor and stand at least ten feet away from us because we're choking on all your fucking smoke.
Caked Foundation/Wrong Color: Our biggest pet peeve is when girls think that the more makeup you put on the prettier you will become. WRONG. We're sorry to say, but, if you're ugly you're ugly and no amount of that expensive Chanel foundation your mom bought you for Christmas is going to cover that up. Our second biggest pet peeve is when girls use the wrong. fucking. color. We clearly understand that sometimes people have to buy drug store brands of foundation, and that's okay, but seriously they have that pull out color table to match to your fucking skin...USE IT. If we see another pale girl with Ebony Tan on her face, we're going to scratch our eyes out.
Too Much Bronzer: This look tells every person you come within a five mile radius of that you either a) desperately want to be tan or b) are stupid enough to think you look good. We sympathize with the tan-retarded people who just seem to stay white year round, but that does not mean that qualifies you to lather your face in bronzer. Unless your Snooki or don't care about ever getting laid, we suggest you stop using so much fucking bronzer and go get a spray on tan or something...or just embrace your fucking paleness and get over it.

HTD #01: Less is fucking more, you cake face