(HTD) When Your Ex Has A New GF

We don't really care who broke up with who, but when one of our ex's has a new girlfriend, it's women-nature to automatically want that douche we dumped a couple months ago back. If you're like us, then this has happened to you or is currently happening to you right as we speak. Luckily, we know how to deal and how to get out of these slumps easily.

Obviously, the first thing we're going to do is talk a lot of shit about our ex's new girlfriend. 'Ugh, she's so ugly', 'she really needs to lay off the bronzer', 'she's actually kind of fat' basically, any bullshit we can spew within the first five minutes of seeing them together. Obviously, you're girls are going to back you and call her a dyke-skank, too, regardless of how pretty she actually is.

To get over this temporary spell of wanting your ex back, you need to think of a few key things. 1) think about why you dumped him in the first place. Whether he cheated, was too emotionally unavailable, or just an all around dick, odds are he's still that way regardless of his new arm candy. He's definitely still fucking that Rite Aid checkout girl in the projection room above the auditorium, or you know, in the parking lot in his old camaro--whatever. And he's definitely not telling this girl how he feels every minute of every day, or at all, just like he didn't when he was dating you. And he's most likely still acting like a tool towards her whenever he's trying to act cool in front of his friends. The only difference now is, he's doing all that shit with another girl.

Instead of judging her, you should really be thanking her.

Because now, instead of him pining over you and begging to take him back, he has a new girl to fucking annoy the shit out of and do all those tiny things that pissed you off to. Remember all the things about him that really sucked and then you won't feel like shit about him having a new girlfriend, and you'll save yourself time trying to plot ways to break them up. You don't want him back, you just don't want him to be happy; totes normal. But sadly, you'll just have to hope she's secretly a psycho bitch and will make his life miserable all on her own.

Now, if you were the one getting dumped, sorry--that kinda sucks. But still, you're going to have to deal with it when you see your dreaded ex necking with some random slut he met at the clubs two nights ago. How to deal, you ask? Act like you're the fucking princess of sunshine and be as happy as you can when you see them. Pretend like you couldn't be more happy for their union and only wish them the best. And then, you can go out that night and get completely obliterated with your girls and talk about how trashy her outfit was. Basically, in either situation, you're not going to get your ex back if he has a new gf, nor should you want to. You left him/he left you for a reason, which qualifies you to not give a fuck about him ever and never wanting him back again.

HTD #03: He's still the same shitty guy, just with a new toy to play with. Deal with it.