(HTD) With Not Being Skinny

Okay, so this photo was obviously made to show you what Lindsay Lohan would look like anorexic, but still, ew. We're sorry, but unlike a portion of this world, we don't find any of that attractive.

We're real people, and therefore have real standards. We all have that really skinny friend who comes out to eat and orders a fucking deep fried hamburger covered in bacon and then complains the next day that she 'lost a pound'. It sucks, but fucking excuse us if we don't feel like working out in the gym 24/7 or eating air everyday.

As much as we know being skinny rocks, or whatever the fuck skinny people say, sometimes it's fucking hard to get there. Don't get us wrong, we don't promote being 5'2" and weighing, like, 200lbs. But I mean, fuck, what are we going to do if that describes you? We're still gonna let you sit with us at lunch. Because we're not 12 years old. And usually, fat people are either a) funny or b) fucking party animals, so we don't mind having someone to go out and get blackout drunk with.

Only two of us actually offered up their measurements so here we go: One of these bitches is 5'3" and weighs 125lbs. Big whoop. She still complains she's fat, so we keep her away from mirrors. And the other is 5'7" and weighs 150lbs. Like, she's fucking tall as fuck, and when we look at her we don't even believe that's her true weight. But, you know, at least she has a fucking ass and tits. There's nothing we hate more than a girl who's boobs are so nonexistent that if we blocked her head off and put her topless next to a shirtless 12 year old boy, no one would know the difference.

We hate this fucking world and it's unrealistic standards for being thin. Sorry that i fucking can't stay away from chocolate and popcorn or any other snack that's salty. If you're reading this and are like "fuck yeah, that's how I feel", great. We're here to tell you how to deal: Basically, that guy in high school who was really hot, but only dated the toothpick blonde bitches who did back-hand springs on the cheerleading squad will eventually come to grips with the fact that he wants someone he can actually settle down with and end up getting married to a brunette with child bearing hips. Because in the end, we're all fucking animals and we're bound by human nature.

Guys like girls with some meat. So for those of you who are striving for skin and bones, just think of it like this: a guy wants the whole fucking steak, not the leftover carcass. Sorry if this goes against your love for 'Ana', or whatever her name is, but she sounds like a bitch, and nobody likes a bitch, nobody.

Unfortunately, if you're ugly, it's kind of hard to work around that. We don't know how to deal with it because we're all fucking gorgeous.

HTD #04: Just don't be ugly and you're fine.